Large hadron washing machine

The moment that everyone fears most. The violent struggle, shaking, and gurgling. A last gasp. Yes, it's sad to say it but your clothes washer gave up the ghost. Now what? Order a new control board for it during the middle of a global microchip shortage? Not a chance. I did a quick web search to verify that there were still made in the USA washers out there. Luckily there were, so I headed out to the local home improvement store. At first I was drawn to the simpler models with old-fashioned knobs and analog buttons. But I slowly gave in to the allure of shiny touchscreens, a smooth spinning super knob, and the intuitiveness of a play/pause button. There was one machine in general that caught my attention: the General Electric GFW550SSN1WW. You know the one that I'm talking about. It looks so futuristic I can't tell if it's a clothes washer or the Large Hadron Collider. Both incorporate state of the art technology but only one fits in my basement (even though it's a ranch). The 550-SNoW, for short, is assembled in Louisville, Kentucky. I hate their basketball team but I love their washers. Check out this link to their soon to be well known About page (it has free cookies).

Now this isn't your grandmother's washing machine. This washer is wifi-enabled which means that you can have one more thing telling you what to do in your house. The flow chart below explains (well tries to explain) the complicated communications process for the washer to indirectly tell me that the spin cycle is over and I should transfer the clothes to the dryer. I feel like I should be left out of this modern version of Telephone.

Keep washin'

-Ryan

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